


Make A SuperSonic Man Out Of You

by EmperorHaruhi



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)
Genre: Agent Stone is a badass, Aziraphale is confused by everything always, Black outfits with red trim for all, Everyone just wants to go fast, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:20:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23319010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmperorHaruhi/pseuds/EmperorHaruhi
Summary: Staring curiously up at them was a small, blue…"And just what in Heaven are you?" Crowley demanded, tilting up his glasses to get a closer look at the newcomer standing next to Aziraphale's side of the car."I'm Sonic! The hedgehog, obviously."
Comments: 8
Kudos: 59





	Make A SuperSonic Man Out Of You

"Admit it. We are lost."

"We are _not lost_!"

"Your vaunted electronic navigator seems to think so."

" _Signal lost. Recalculating. Please stand by... Signal lost. Recalculating…_ "

"If you would just trust the map…"

" 'S a straight road, we couldn't have... Angel, will you put that away!" Crowley swiped irritability at the corner of the paper map that Aziraphale had begun to unfold across the dash.

"When you insisted we take a road trip, America was not exactly the location I had in mind!" Aziraphale shot back, staring out the window. "Did that last sign say Goldcreek or Garrison?"

"What? How am I supposed to know that?"

"You would have if we weren't going a hundred miles an hour! Would you slow down, Crowley!"

"There's nobody else on the road, what could I possibly hit?"

"Wow, you guys sure are going fast! I've never seen a car like yours before!" A voice suddenly interrupted.

Crowley jumped. "Please tell me that was you trying ventriloquism again."

"I was about to ask you the same thing." Aziraphale frantically spun around, searching for the source of the voice.

"Doughnut Lord would be mad if he saw you. I don't mind though! He never lets me race cars anymore. This is fun!" The voice came again, from beside Aziraphale.

Crowley stomped on the brakes, and the Bentley screeched to a halt, ticking angrily at the sudden stop.

Aziraphale blinked. "I could have sworn I saw something blue go by."

Crowley, patting the Bentley's steering wheel in apology, squinted out the windshield. "Somethin’ coming towards us."

A cloud of dust and electricity on the horizon was barreling towards where the car had stopped. The pair followed it with their eyes, until it suddenly stopped in front of the Bentley.

Aziraphale leaned forward, trying to see over the car's long front. "Where did it go?"

"Right here!" Came a voice, and Aziraphale fell back in surprise. Staring curiously up at them was a small, blue…

"And just what in Heaven are you?" Crowley demanded, tilting up his glasses to get a closer look at the newcomer standing next to Aziraphale's side of the car.

"Crowley! That's rude!" Aziraphale huffed. "I apologize for his bluntness."

"That's okay! I'm not from this planet, so people ask that a lot. I'm Sonic! The hedgehog, obviously." He grinned, doing a theatrical spin.

"Obviously." Crowley muttered.

"Your car is fast! I'm not supposed to chase cars, but I just couldn't resist yours. Did you want to race again?"

"I wasn't aware we were racing." Crowley grinned, shifting into gear with a theatrical engine rev. "If I had been, you would have lost."

"No, no, and no!" Aziraphale emphasized each word with a thump on the dash. "We are not racing anyone."

He turned to Sonic as Crowley whispered sullenly to the Bentley in apology. "I'm terribly sorry. We're lost, and looking for the exit that will take us to Helena." he tilted the map towards the window so Sonic could see.

The hedgehog frowned at it. "Is that the one with the mountain? Or the one with all the people in suits? I'm not so good with the names of things but I know all the landmarks! I had to learn them after I ran into the lake when I wasn't looking where I was going."

"Er - I don't know. It's our first time here." Aziraphale stuttered, still slightly wary of the strange-looking, though apparently friendly, creature.

"Oh then you should come see Green Hills! The people are real friendly there! And if you drive really fast through it then Doughnut Lord will get to use his speed gun, and he'll have to chase you! That would cheer him up, he's been so bored lately!"

"Doughnut...lord?" Crowley raised an eyebrow.

"It all sounds lovely, I'm sure," Aziraphale interrupted as Sonic took a deep breath in preparation to ramble again, "But I’m afraid we have other plans for this evening. Do you know the way to the nearest town, at least?"

"Yup, that's my town! Green Hills! Come on, follow me!" With a grin, Sonic ran off again, quickly disappearing in a cloud of dust.

"Hey wait!" Crowley hurriedly shifted back into gear and stepped on the gas. Aziraphale spluttered as he and his map were pushed back into the seat with the force.

"Crowley! For the last time, would you slow down!"

"Lost him again! Little bugger's awful fast." Crowley swore. "Upstairs hasn't suddenly gone ‘round turning animals blue and mouthy without our notice, did they?"

"If they have, I would be the last to know. Did he say he wasn't from this planet? That's not possible. Right?"

Crowley shrugged and threw up his hands, only half paying attention. "Never thought I'd meet something the Bentley couldn't outrun…"

"Sorry! I got excited and ran off. Is this speed okay?" Sonic's voice suddenly came from beside Crowley. He looked down to see the hedgehog running alongside the car, grinning.

"Just how fast can you go?" Crowley asked.

"I have no idea!" Sonic yelled, raising his arms triumphantly.

Crowley laughed. "I like you, blue guy."

Sonic laughed as well. "I like you too, car guy! This is fun!"

"Want to really go?" Crowley's grin widened, and Aziraphale's face turned white as he felt Crowley begin to inject a miracle into the car.

"Let me out this instant, Crowley, you've gone mad! We're already going...Good Lord...one hundred and fifteen miles an hour! You're going to get us all discorporated!" He wailed, frantically clinging to his seat.

"Relax, Angel! We didn't go saving the world not to experience it!" Crowley whooped as the Bentley hit one eighteen, creaking slightly.

Aziraphale gasped. "My word! Some kind of device just fell from the sky!"

Crowley turned just in time to see a small, white, spherical drone with a red eye pull up beside the car. A tiny propeller on top was working frantically to keep the palm-sized robot level with the racing Bentley.

"Where did that come from?" Crowley, distracted, lifted his foot off the pedal to lean over for a closer look, and the car began to slow.

"I haven't the faintest idea!"

"Hey, why are we slowing down?" Came Sonic's voice from next to Crowley.

"Flying robot suddenly showed up." Crowley replied, squinting at it. As the car slowed, the drone did too, keeping pace, it's red, unblinking eye focused on the pair.

"Wait, flying robot?" Sonic ran around the back of the Bentley, coming to a sudden halt as he caught sight of the drone. With a panicked yelp, he flung open the back door of the car and dove inside.

"Oi! No, out of there!" Crowley swung around, trying to grab Sonic one-handed as the hedgehog attempted to wedge himself between Aziraphale's oversized tartan suitcase and Crowley's coat, both lying on the back seat. The Bentley, seeing it's owner was distracted, politely continued to slow itself down, finally pulling over on the side of the road as it came to a stop.

"Crowley." Aziraphale whispered, tapping the demon's leg.

"...keep her in new condition, and you're getting dirt all over the seats! Get outta there!"

"Crowley!" Aziraphale's tapping had turned frantic.

"What, Aziraphale!" Crowley snapped.

Aziraphale only pointed out the front windshield in reply.

Hovering to land before them was the strangest aircraft either had ever seen. Vaguely triangular in shape, it had two massive propellers parallel to the ground, and a circular tinted dome in the middle. Faintly visible through the tinted glass was a single figure. The entire thing was sleek white, studded with ominously glowing red lines. Panels set into the wings suggested that the craft had plenty of hidden tricks, and that whoever was facing it really did not want to know what those tricks were.

As the hovering craft landed, the miniature drone that had been following them flew over to it, disappearing behind it's dome. Crowley stuck his head out the Bentley's window just in time to hear the pilot inside yell into his wrist over the sound of the slowing propellers.

"Get over here already! I've found it."

The response was inaudible, but the rumble of an engine fast approaching from behind told them they would soon be surrounded.

"What on earth _is_ that?" Aziraphale asked.

"Doctor Robotnik." Came a quiet voice from behind him, and Aziraphale turned to see Sonic peering out from a pile of clothing he had pulled from Aziraphale's suitcase in an attempt to hide on the back floor of the car.

"He wants me." Sonic continued, curling tighter into himself. "And he'll stop at nothing to get me."

"Why does he want you?" Aziraphale whispered back.

"He wants my power. Please... I don't have my rings with me this time. You have to help me."

Aziraphale's response was cut off by the vibration of the ground and the sound of a large engine pulling up behind them. A sleek, powerful black cube of a truck was now blocking them in from the rear.

As it slowed to a stop, half a dozen ovaloid drones, larger cousins to the one that had spotted them, flew out of the hatch that was slowly appearing in its side, coming to hover just in front of it. Moments later, a set of steps assembled themselves, and a man in a sleek black suit with red trim descended, looking vaguely puzzled.

"Finally! Keep up next time, Stone!" Came the irritated voice of the hovercraft pilot, and the tinted dome retracted to reveal a second man, dressed in a black coat and gloves with trim to match the other man's suit. His mustache twitched with irritation as he lifted the red mirrored goggles from his eyes and swiped two fingers over the palm of his hand. Five of the drones fanned out, circling the Bentley, while the sixth followed behind Stone as he walked forward.

"Yes, Doctor. I'm sorry for the delay." Answered Stone mildly, coming to stand on Crowley's side of the car.

"Right, I have no bloody idea what's going on, or who you lot are, but I've had just about enough of this." Crowley said, irritated.

"Thirty minutes and twenty-three seconds ago, a scout drone detected energy readings known to be generated by the creature known as Sonic the hedgehog." The Doctor interrupted, gesturing grandly with one hand. A blue hologram appeared in front of him, showing a map of the immediate area, with two blinking red dots along the road leading to where they were stopped now.

"Seventeen minutes six seconds later, a second drone detected the same energy traveling along this road. Your vehicle is the only one _on_ said road for thirty miles." Robotnik swiped his hand though the hologram, and it disappeared. "Stone! What is the maximum speed of a 1926 Bentley?" He barked.

"Very slow, I would imagine, Sir." Replied Stone, smiling faintly as he looked over the car with an appreciating glance.

"A simple-minded answer, as usual, but technically correct. 84 miles an hour. You were clocked going 118. Practically walking speed for that bothersome blue pest." The Doctor leaned forward, eyes boring into Crowley's sunglasses. "I know he's with you. Where is he?"

"Let me get this straight." Crowley raised an eyebrow, propping his head up in his hand on the windowsill. "You said hedgehog, right? Small brown bugger, pointy bits, likes to eat bugs?"

Aziraphale relaxed a fraction as he caught on. The 'playing dumb' strategy. Humans, should they inadvertently witness a minor angelic or demonic miracle, had the convenient habit of disregarding any events that they couldn't wrap their heads around; explaining them away as technical glitches, hallucinations after a long day of work, or something that was simply beyond their pay grade. (The author Douglas Adams had accidentally witnessed three of Aziraphale's miracles in the 1970s, which would later subconsciously inspire his creation of the _Somebody Else's Problem_ field.)

"What would we want with a hedgehog?" Crowley continued. "Lazy gits never got the slugs that nearly ruined my cabbages, eh? More of a snake man myself, anyway."

Aziraphale couldn't help the snort of laughter that escaped in response, regretting it as Robotnik refocused his piercing gaze onto him. "As for the car, erm..." he stuttered, gulping, "...its modified! For racing! And... and all that. Lots of fancy... engine bits!" He closed his mouth as Crowley shot him a hasty ' _please, just shut up, I appreciate the effort, but you're making it worse_ ' glare.

Robotnik stared down at Aziraphale for several more seconds before switching back to Crowley, who sighed theatrically in return. "Look mate, I'm digging the whole ‘evil flying robot’ aesthetic you have going here, but we have places to be." He made a sweeping gesture upwards. "We've answered your questions, so you can just... fly away now."

Robotnik only sniffed and adjusted his gloves. "Confidence. A fool's substitute for intelligence."

"So from the way you're acting, that means you have neither?" As Robotnik’s face turned red with fury, Crowley howled with laughter that quickly died in his throat as he felt the cold metal of Stone's gun press against his temple.

"If you would kindly exit the vehicle, _sir_?" The man's smile had turned cold, and the look in his eyes suggested that it would cost him nothing to pull the trigger.

Aziraphale hastily raised his hand to miracle the gun away, but froze as he heard the sound of a dozen clicks. The drones surrounding the vehicle were now glowing angrily red, laser sights all pointed squarely at him.

"Slowly." As Stone stepped back, gun still pointed at Crowley's head, the drone hovering behind him swooped to hover beside him instead, red eye flickering. Though it made no noise, Crowley would have sworn it was laughing.

Crowley raised his hands, slowly opening the car door and stepping out.

Stone gestured with his gun for Crowley to stand in front of the hovercraft, before turning back to the car. "Now you. No sudden movements."

Aziraphale nodded, right hand still frozen in the air. When he leaned over to open the car door, he heard a faint, panicked whisper from behind him.

"Please. Don't let him get me. Please!"

As Aziraphale stepped out of the car and came forward to stand next to Crowley, he sent up a desperate prayer, hoping the sound of his miracle had been covered by the creak of the door, the movement covered by the flap of his jacket, that his miracles even worked on blue hedgehogs from other planets…

With a smug grin, Robotnik pressed a button on his glove. "It doesn't matter where you've stashed him away. My robots will find him. And after they do..." He chuckled. "Well, they always _so_ enjoy having live subjects for target practice."

The robots began circling the Bentley, scanning beams running over every surface. Robotnik hummed cheerily to himself as he directed them with flicks of his hands. Stone absentmindedly tapped his foot to the rhythm of the Doctor's humming, gun still pointed steadily at Crowley.

"Hey, hey, watch the paint!" Crowley started forward as one of the drones circled around for a second scan, stopping only millimeters from the surface of the car.

"I have absolute control over my machines, you imbecile." Robotnik beckoned forwards and the drones all returned to hover before him. A holographic model of the Bentley, inside and out, began resolving itself before them.

"That's it, I'm getting rid of this arrogant lunatic and his little lapdog henchman." Crowley growled, gathering his power in preparation to miracle them away.

"We don't know who they work for, Crowley, there could be others." Aziraphale hissed in reply, hastily grabbing Crowley's arm to stop him. "Do you want another government agency tailing us again? I had to pretend to die twice to get us out of that mess in Italy last time! I still can't show my face in Cagliari for at least another decade!"

Crowley fumed silently. "Fine. But if they so much as breathe too hard on the Bentley again I'm turning their little flying pets into pudding, I swear, Aziraphale." He glared at Robotnik, who was busy manipulating the now-completed holographic scan of the car. "Pair of copycats...I invented black with red accents, you know."

"I find the colour scheme lends itself _much_ better to a superior robotic genius like myself than an inferior, washed up, try-hard like you, though." Robotnik called, raising an eyebrow as he turned to face the pair. "Did you _really_ think I couldn't hear you?"

He flattened the hologram of the Bentley between his hands with a sigh. "Not inside the car. And while you certainly have the girth to attempt it..." He stared meaningfully at Aziraphale's middle, "...he couldn't be hiding in your clothing. Stone, perform the usual memory wipe. We'll check further south."

"Yes, Doctor." As Robotnik closed the dome of his hovercraft and started the propellers, Stone tapped the drone still hovering beside him twice. With a rush of air, two darts shot out, embedding themselves in Aziraphale and Crowley's necks. The pair crumpled to the asphalt as the tranquilizer began to take effect.

Stone herded the drones back inside the large, square black truck as Robotnik's hovercraft lifted off, quickly vanishing in the distance. Once everything was inside, the door closed, and the truck took off after the craft, tires passing inches from Aziraphale's head.

A moment passed in silence, before it was broken by a loud and angry yell.

"What in the name of Heaven, Hell and Tadfield just happened!?" Crowley groaned as he sat up and pulled the dart from his neck, vanishing the combination of tranquilizer and memory wipe drugs from his system.

"I haven't the foggiest, although I do regret not letting you take care of those flying devices." Aziraphale took care of his own dart and patted himself down, brushing dirt and rocks off his vest with a sigh. "Do you have _any_ idea how difficult it is to find a laundromat that knows how to properly clean my clothing?"

"Are they gone?" Called a voice from inside the car, and Sonic peered out at them from the back window.

"Yeah, all clear." Crowley opened the back door, and Sonic hopped out, trying to disentangle a pair of Aziraphale's bow ties from his head.

"How did you do that? Hide me from his robots?" He asked, looking in amazement between the two.

"I suppose it was a stroke of _miraculous_ luck." Aziraphale chuckled, and Crowley rolled his eyes as he began carefully examining the Bentley for damage.

"Are you injured at all? Is there anything further we can do to help you?" Aziraphale reached over and carefully pulled the stuck accessories from Sonic's quills, eyes widening as his angelic senses felt, just for a moment, the surge of energy contained within the alien hedgehog.

"No, I'm okay. I'm going to go straight home and tell Doughnut Lord and Pretzel Lady that Eggman is back. They'll know what to do." He grinned. "Thank you guys for helping me!"

"It was nothing, really. Glad to be of service." Aziraphale smiled.

"Well, goodbye, Car Guy and Bow Tie Guy! Come to Green Hills sometime!" With a wave, he sped off, quickly vanishing into the distance in a streak of blue light.

"Well. I still haven’t the faintest what just happened, but I'm certainly famished after all that excitement." Aziraphale climbed back into the car as Crowley finished inspecting it with a satisfied nod and a gentle pat to it's hood. "Oh look, your electronic navigator is working again!"

Crowley shifted the Bentley into gear, and the pair headed off down the highway once more. As they crested a hill and spotted a town on the horizon, he double-checked the destination the machine was directing them to."Hang on a minute... I don't remember telling it to take us to get chili dogs..."


End file.
